i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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