Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
