What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
