My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
