I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Come see our sink grown plant.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
