Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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