Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
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