Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
