We're like a lot better than the average bears
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Who died my cat blue again?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
