'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
