Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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