fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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