Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
where does the pee come out of this thing
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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