if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
