Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
