some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
