Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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