i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
