I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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