i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
