Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
