She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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