Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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