If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
