oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
