he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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