i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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