i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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