Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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