so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
