I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he was CRYING into my vagina
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
