i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
