Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize