I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
