Your tits are I can't wait for
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
