she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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