How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
