we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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