You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i already hear my dad disowning me
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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