Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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