I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
