My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
