that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
