I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
