Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
