I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
