I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
