i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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