Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
