No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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