Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I need a beard to bite.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
