idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
