Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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