we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
