There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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