True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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