I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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