and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
