Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
