Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
