I'm so fucking centered right now
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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