Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Randomize
