You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Still dying that you shit outside
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
