You work out of a Hotel?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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